To Use a Friend

Judges 14:20 KJV

But Samson's wife was given to his companion, whom he had used as his friend.

The language here is different than we would use today. The implication is that this man was like Samson's best man. He was responsible for the festival and for communication between the bride and the groom. It is in this connection he likely developed a relationship with the bride son that, when Samson left apparently angry, he assumed the role of the groom and stole his bride. 

But there are no mistakes in the Bible and this phrase (used as his friend) would mean something very different today; it implies that the relationship was false. That he only used him but that he was not his true friend. The actions of this companion prove that he was never truly Samson's friend or he would not have taken his bride. 

There are so many subtleties in the passage that it is hard to sort them out:

• Samson his from his parents that he sought an occasion to avenge them of the Philistines
• Samson also hid from them where he had gotten the honey
• Samson hid from his companions and bride what was the answer to his riddle
• Samson was hiding from his companions his intent to avenge Israel of them

Albert Barnes well writes, "It should be noted carefully that the practical lesson against ungodly marriages comes out most strongly in this case and that the providential purpose which out of this evil brought discomfiture to the Philistines, has nothing to do with the right or wrong of Samson’s conduct."

To use a man as a friend and not to be his true friend, regardless of the reason, is never the right conduct.